I've been so happy the past month but so sad at the same time.

I've been empty, and now that I'm taken I guess, I don't know how to feel coming from so many abusive relationships.

I sit here and hope and pray that I can make this one last and that I don't lose him like I did my exes.

Not to mention ontop of that. I just haven't loved myself at all recently. I could be SO MUCH better, but I just refuse to get help and I really don't know why.

I mean, it's not like I'm drop dead hot, but I'm not ugly, I just don't like myself enough to admit that.

I just wish I could like smile without getting so much s*** from it. I never smile anymore because I always got bullied because of the way my teeth lined up. Lifes pretty funny, right? I was always, always told to smile more.

So I did, and I got s***. same with my laugh, I never laugh and never did in the first place anyways. But one day I did and I got so much crap from it bc of how it sounded. People can just be so contradicting I guess, they're never happy.

At this point I'm just rambling on and I hope that no-one cares/murders me, I just needed to vent

Im still here if you ever want to talk, I never thought we drifted but you do. But i'll re-establish, im still here.