So before I rant I have to say something real quick: Well I was scammed by this player, I probably shouldn't mention who, a while back. I gave him the money he promised he wouldn't scam me, but in the end he did. So now we are toxic toward each other. I try to make sure no one else gets scammed by him, and when he tries I try to stop people from trading with him due to his record of scamming. So today I was asking people who does legit rank-ups, no scams. Well, he messaged me telling me that someone does rank-ups and I will be honest, I was a bit rude to him because I am still angry over the fact that he lied. The conversation that came after that is what motivated me to post this. Now to the rant/story/I don't know what it is anymore... So all of my life I have been struggling with self-confidence and my image. I have struggled, and still struggle, with hating myself, being so insecure it pushes people away. Most of my life I have been severely bullied. It was the worst in middle school. That was the time of my life where I sunk into a deep depression, didn't have the will to live anymore, wanted to kill myself, I cut and it goes on and on. It was just a very bad time for me. Over that time, my self hatred grew. I did not like the way I looked. I did not like anything about myself and felt the world would be better off without me. The day my mom found out about me being suicidal, it was because I had a panic attack because I was seriously thinking about killing myself that day. She started taking me to counseling, and although I was still struggling, I started to get better. I was learning to love myself for who I am, to not worry about what other people think, to deal with my depression and suicidal thought. When I got to 9th grade I switched school districts to a new school. At the beginning I was happy, and everything was okay, but I could not make friends at this school. Everyone already had their groups, since they had been friends since elementary school and I was the new girl, and they did not want to let me in. I sunk back into my depression and became very sad again. Then I learned about another high school I could go to, an early college high school. I immediately wanted to transfer and got to transfer that next semester, my second semester of 9th grade year. I immediately got friends and actually found somewhere I fit in. I was happy again, although I was still going to counseling. I started leaving my depression again and was learning to be confident in who I was. I stopped going to therapy around the beginning for 10th grade, truly thinking I was getting better and could do the rest on my own. I was happy, until 10th grade around October. 10th grade, October, I got a boyfriend. At first I was happy, but that happiness was short lived. I soon learned that he was emotionally abusive. He would say hurtful things every night, we would get in fights every night, and it got worse and worse. Every time I would try to break up with him he would talk me out of it. He broke me down and destroyed any self confidence I had gained. I was left a broken, damaged, insecure girl. When he finally ended it, 4 months later, I felt it was my fault for not being a good enough girlfriend. I blamed everything on myself, all of those nights he would say hurtful things, just everything. I was back in my depression. As time went on, I started getting better. My friends helped me see that it was not my fault and that there was nothing I could have done to make it better. They helped me start to build my confidence again. I am still extremely insecure, but it seemed to be getting better. Then 11th grade happened, or is happening. This is my current struggle. Lately I have been slipping back into my depression. Stress from school is sucking me in, making me not want to eat, not sleep well, just everything. My self image has gotten worse again and I am extremely insecure again. Life has hit me hard right now, and some other serious stuff is affecting me that I do not want to say on here. I had to go back to counseling, for the fear that I will become suicidal again because I see myself going down that path again. Today, while playing infection and having the exchange with the guy who scammed me, he ended up calling me ugly af because he had seen my profile picture on forums. I will admit that I did not respond the way I should have, but at the moment I was too hurt and it hit something that I have been struggling with for years. The thing is, when I posted that picture that was me taking a step into being more self confident, and he bashed it down without a second thought or without even considering how much it could mean to me. After he said that, I seriously considered removing my picture and posting a different one, not of me. I then decided that I would not do that as it would mean he won, and I will not let him have that much power over me. The whole point of this was not to try and get people to feel sorry for me, but just to watch what you say. You never know what the other person is going through, so saying mean things could actually really hurt the person and could cause them even more pain in real life because this it could be something they already struggle with. It could affect them more than you think, and honestly we just really need to try and be kinder and not as toxic.
I wouldn't let some kid over the Internet bother me tbh; yea, I understand that some people have major struggles in their life, and want to relax, but some 12 year old on a block game. Think about that, a 12 year old. Tbh, I wouldn't let them get to me Good luck with what you're going through
I see why you seem sad ingame now.I'm sorry to hear this... This taught me a few things.Thank you for taking the time to type this out in the hopes other people would learn from this. Good luck Ninja.
It isn't the fact that I am letting a 12 year old bother me, it is mostly the fact that I can get over it easily, but some people can't. Sometimes things like that can push someone over the edge to killing themselves, and honestly I know people that have done that.
Thanks. I am working on getting better though! I just don't want something to happen to someone because someone wasn't watching what they say.
I don't get it. If that is your pic girl you are beautiful. I don't see nothing wrong. Anyway beauty is in the eye of the beholder but I think you are beautiful, sensitive and caring. Your inner self is beautiful for what I have read. That is the most important thing. Because you can be beautiful in the outside and be a horrible person in your innerself. Just ask anyone what they really preffer. I can understand perfectly the way you feel. I my self went to all of this but Dear worse believe me. I've been trought a lot and I being on therapy much longer. (I even had electroconvulsive therapy) My case I rather not to say is delicate. Learn to love your self because if your self estem is strong nothing will bother you. No one or nothing they migth say will afect you in any way. Today I can say I'm OK. People still try to bully me but no way I won't give that kind power to anyone ever again. At this moment they will be people who maybe will bully me because of my English grammar. But I don't care. I couldn't let this thread go without me saying something. My respects to you. Girl you are brave. <3
I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through worse. I know I could barely handle this and for you to handle more and still be standing tall saying you are okay, you have fully earned my respect. Thank you very much! This post wasn't to gain sympathy or compliments, but mostly to let people know that they should watch what they say. I have gotten over it, and it didn't bother me too much, but I just remembered that some people can be at a point where something like that could push them over the edge. I just don't want to see anyone else struggle and wish I could prevent anything like that from happening to people. If this reaches just a few, just that small few may be more considerate in what they say and maybe it will help. Thank you very much though. You are so strong and to make it through what little you described to me, as I am sure the whole story would consist of more, I have so much respect for you. I am glad that you can say that you are okay now and I hope you stay okay!
Everyone is saying that "ohhhh it's just some kid on the internet" but it's someone somewhere who goes out of the way to call someone ugly. You should never listen to what people say about you, because most of the time they're confused or scared and just blurt out random things to make themselves seem cool, but they look like idiots. If your profile picture is you, assuming it is, then don't listen to them. You're really pretty actually, and you seem like a nice person. I've never been bullied for how I look but I was shy to show it, and someone *cough* @Coastic was the first person I sent a full non filter picture to :') she literally raised my self confidence level to 100% Just ignore people, they're always lookin for something to bash you with, and they won't stop unless they feel better. <3
Thank you very much. I try to ignore it, but I just idk...it makes me angry because people don't know what others are going through and idk. Taking a shot at someones self confidence is not right and I wish people would just stop. I am sure you are beautiful too. I will try to ignore them more now. I just had to rant a bit lol Thank you for your kind words though! They are much appreciated!
I honestly read every word in here. It touched my heart, and I agree people need to be less toxic. All the way up to 9th grade is the same exact in my life. Everyone has their flaws and good moments. I don't let people get to me over a game tho. Honestly, he wouldn't have balls to say it to you IRL. He uses the internet and not face to face to say it. Suicide is a very serious thing. I have been through that emotional state where I want to, but I have something in my life (which is my 5 year old sister) to not cut. Honestly, if he said to me "You look ugly af" I would say "Exactly!" or "Ikr!" just to piss him off more. Or I would /ignore him. You are so so kind in-game. I really don't understand how people could say that about you, when you are so nice in-game and on forums. You gave me 14 crate keys on OPFactions the other day, and you don't know how much I appreciated that. If this kid chooses looks over personality he is really not gonna get anywhere in life. He will constantly be getting dumped by his girlfriends. I really wish people put this in consideration.
One of the main reasons why my profile pictures are usually my own drawings and not myself is due to similar issues, so I can relate But anyway, I think you're pretty and you shouldn't listen to idiots like that
I try to be as nice as I can and as helpful as I can. Ignoring him is what I should have done, but I just am kinda annoyed by people being so toxic. I am sorry that you went through being suicidal too. I just want people to be more considerate of what they say and how other people might be going through stuff. I moved on and it doesn't bother me much anymore, but I know some people that it would bother for a while. And I mean, if someone needs something and I have it I try to give it to them because I guess that is just who I am lol.
You probably look amazing! And this just shows that many people are going through issues that people may not know about. I am sorry that you are going through this because no one should have to go through this. And I won't anymore lol! Am I allowed to say that? I mean it is someone that is very immature but idk if I am allowed to post his name or anything. Who? Me? Or Valixta?
