I ate it

I got a plane ticket to wherever I want

 

but you bought it from the black market and so you're not allowed to board the plane as it's a fake

I found £20 on the floor

 

But I returned it.

I just ran 30 minutes.

 

not possible because bananas

I hate school

 

But then you got hit over the head and loved school.

I got a new couch.

 

Donald Trump sat on it.


I kissed a girl

 

It was actually a guy

I got a cake!

 

I ate it

I have a gf

 

:(
I ate your mic
I has a teddy bear