Jokes!

Here is a joke from me (I like black humour, don't get misunderstood):

So, there is this guy driving along a road and all of a sudden he sees someone who's had an accident. He goes up to the victim and says:
G: Oh my lord, are you alright?! What happened to you?! We need to get you to the hospital-
V: Oh my BMW, my sweet, sweet BMW... :(
G: What do you care about your car for?! Look at the state of you! You're missing an arm-
V: An ARM?! OH, MY ROLEX! My sweet, sweet Rolex! :baw:

Now, post your own jokes below. :stoned:

 

wow

 

He had an accident because he didn't read the sign that said 'loose Cows; beef careful'

 

Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

A: He was stuck to the chicken's foot

 

Spoiler: Worst Joke Ever

Bob the kid: Dad! I'm hungry!
Dad: You're hungry? Well, hello hungry!
Bob the kid: Dad! I'm serious!
Dad: You're serious? I thought you were hungry! Well, hello serious!
Mom: He is actually really hungry!!!
Dad: I thought he was serious...
Mom: He's starving!
Dad: Starving, where are you?

 

Oh! This one is a classic!

Spoiler

My life.

 

Dis one good...
A hedgehog is crying over losing his wife, and as he walks past the beach, a penguin looks up at him
Penguin: Why are you crying?
Hedgehog: My wife died.
Penguin: So why are you salty? I should be salty, I live by the sea. You sir, should be prickly.
Hedgehog: I'll get more prickly if you don't leave me alone...

I'm so sorry I legit just made that up on the spot that was terrible...

 

So there were 2 Girls driving a car and one of em saw a forest, she asked the other girl:
Do you see the forest?
And the other girl replied:
No, the trees are hiding it

10/10 Best joke ever.

 

There was a guy named "Deivid0ze"
He ate everyday potatoes as breakfast, lunch and dinner.
It was getting insane till a guy named "Smiileyy" came in his life and told him about carrots.
This changed his whole potato life. :t:

 

XD Omg this is life

 

o-o

That was good :P

Indeed.

Also a good one :P

Amazing...

LOL

;-;

 

Joe asked God, "How much is a penny worth in heaven?"

God replied, "$1 million."

Joe asked, "How long is a minute in heaven?"

God said, "One million years."

Joe asked for a penny.

God said, "Sure, in a minute."

 

YES. Simply yes.

 

One of my favorite jokes (some of you may not get it):

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are riding a train in Scotland.

The engineer looks out the window, sees a single black sheep in a field, and exclaims, "Hey! They have black sheep in Scotland!"

The physicist looks out the window and corrects the engineer, "Strictly speaking, all we know is that there's at least one black sheep in Scotland."

The mathematician looks out the window and corrects the physicist, " Strictly speaking, all we know is that is that at least one side of one sheep is black in Scotland."

Have many more Mathematician, Engineer and Physicist jokes

 

Scottish jokes. I am offended, sir

 

Its not Scottish joke sire, its a joke on engineers. Could change "Scotland" to USA or anything else

Explanation/message:
Engineers assume EVERYTHING. Physicists are realists. Mathematicians only say what they know to be true.

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Spoiler: Answer

to get to the fat mans house

Knock Knock?

whos there?

Spoiler: Answer

Its the chicken

(do not take any offence)

 

I was only joking :'(

 

Why did the cookie go to the doctors office?

Spoiler: Answer

He was feeling crumby

Yo mama so fat when the doctor had her step on the scale, he said "damn that's my phone number!"
What did the beach say to the coming wave?

Spoiler: Answer

Long time no sea

 

How do you catch a bra?
with a booby trap :>

How do you call a mexican that lost his car?
Car-los