Sons and daughters of Minecraft! Today is a grave day as the evil Mojang/Microsoft alliance plan to take our basic human rights and liberties from us! They wish to re-install segregation with this "1.9" final solution. They want us to implement strategy, and actually implement skill in PVP, instead of just point and clicking?? Blasphemy! They wish to make us look like ghetto knights from the Game of Thrones with these so called "shields." No longer can we make ourselves into indestructible Poseidon's with our gapples, by nerfing them like some Call of Booty sniper patch!! AND AXES???? What is this, SKYRIM MOJANG? What's next in the 1.10 update, hmm? You going to give us dragon shouts and absorb creeper souls?? Or better yet, just give us more content to make Minecraft a castle crashers simulator? Why not just add deathclaws as a new mob, and make it truly a thriller Skyrim/Fallout mash! Nonsense. Absolutely absurd. Mojang is the Nazi fourth Reich, and we are Switzerland. But not anymore! So rise up! Get your torches, get your Trump t-shirts and Murican' flags, because we're not going to take this racism and zealous oppression anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mojang is a communist regime, and we must spread holy democracy just as Notch had done!! They are the bug, and we are the swatter!!! AD VICTORIUM DOWN WITH THE DIRTY SYNTHS AT MOJANG!!! HOORAH, SKYRIM BELONGS TO THE NORDS - God Emperor Trump IV shall lead us to glory once more.
New spooky mobs added.. What is this Mojang, Five Nights at Freddy's?? Gonna be adding Chucky Cheese and the Lucky Charms leprechaun as a new mob next update, eh?
1.9 shall destroy this game we rely on for sustenance. We shall go on a quest, and we shall not stop till Mineverse has 100% guaranteed that they will NOT update to 1.9
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