I felt like writing this because every night it creeps up on me and as I lay in bed thinking it makes me feel more guilty and upset at myself. As the title says it is a apology letter. Lately as I got to "meet" new people on Mineverse I got to make closer relationships and got to the point where some people I really just admire their personality. I believe that is the best part of going on such a server. Meeting new people and seeing how they are in their own lives. But at the same time while I have been on Mineverse there have been some downfalls. I have been holding myself back for about a year now only because of the fact that people might never forgive what I have done and just constantly think of me as one person. I deeply regret my choices I made to certain players and like I said every night I stay up in bed. All I think about is how good am I if I am not good enough for the world. Several times I have felt like quitting Mineverse but my friends held me back. I could easily talk to them and confess about the problems I had. But now they are all gone. Some of them I had lost because they were gone for so long. This whole thing is out of order but I want to move into the main details. @AthleticPsycho Even though I do not know you or have talked to you a lot I was a part of the clan that you and ParanormalPizza made. It was a nice experience to meet new people although I never met anyone. I have been a greedy and selfish person at the time with my excessive spam and annoying Skype chats that it went up to the point you actually got mad at me and probably didn't want anything to do with me. You blocked me on Skype which I couldn't get proper sleep for a ton of days. I apologized later in the future but never got to really get close to you. I bug you asking why you hate me just because I never been blocked by someone ever in my life. In fact, it kinda surprised me that I was so annoying. I would really love to be close with you because I know the type of person you are to people who are friendly. I wish we can Skype sometime near the future. Even though we didn't get in a actual engaged conversation I am sure that it will be fun. I cursed at you so many times and didn't even know such foul language could come out which I have deeply regretted; especially doing it to some one like you. I just want to apologize for the times I haven't been friendly. @ParanormalPizza Even though we are FRIENDS now I still can't get over the fact of what I have done. We talked about it about 3 days ago but for some reason it is one of the various things keeping me up until 3 AM and just what have I done with my life. To the people who do not know what happened I got into a major depression status over my ban for I thought it was a false ban. I was stuck in the cobweb but the moderators all teamed up on me and I had no one to help me or stand up for me. I immediately needed to talk but I was at the age where no one plays Minecraft so the only people I could talk to so I went on Skype and overtime the only one on was ParanormalPizza. I would rant all the time complaining about this complaining about that eventually to the point where he too got annoyed at all my complaining. I never knew the issues he had in his real life and just was so self based I cannot ever get over what I have done. I worked so hard to get you as my friend again because unlike most of my friends on Mineverse you actually mattered to me. I am glad were friends but really cannot get over what I have done. Sorry. @ItsSniiper Snipes, we used to play on a server and were such good friends until I got banned too excessive and at that time I was dealing through a depression because I was banned from Infection and the server. It made me feel like no one wanted me to play on the server anymore. I got mad and untamed you for the stupidest reasons and you got to tell me on my moderator application about why you didn't think I was that worthy. I understand and even though we have talked about the fact I cannot get over it, it still is one of those things keeping me up. It only mattered because we were so close. I said sorry various times but I just cannot forgive MYSELF for even though you forgived me my mind is so confused and puzzled at the fact that my behavior was atrocious. I am so sorry. @paulainmo I have gotten you killed several times in Infection and I think that is the reason why we untamed in the first place. I just didn't really see who I got and was just so upset at you for getting so angry at me. Yet I still think your a great person at heart but you won't ever bother teaming with me stating that you have too many teammates which does;t make any connection to me because you untamed because I killed you and I cannot reteam because your team is full. It makes me regret how life on Mineverse would be if I never killed you. Sorry. @KitKatKendrick Although we are friends a lot has flew through us and you don't even come on Infection anymore who am I kidding no one does. But I just am sorry for the time we untamed so bad. I thought I was so good at holding grudges but I realized myself that I am weaker than I thought. You matter the most to me you made me laugh the most on Infection and made everywhere I went a fun environment for me. I am sorry about the bad ways I treated you when we untamed. I hope you can forgive me for that time. @SSMH I stopped being friends with you because you banned me. How stupid can I get? I never knew how the whole process worked at the time and I should've known that someone reported me and then you banned. It was your job and I got mad at you for doing it. I am sorry but glad we are friends again and the fact we both learned to forgive and forget. I have forgotten about it because it was such a minor problem but you do come up in my mind at times when I have restless sleep. I hope you guys all felt the same love that I gave to each and every person I listen on this thread. You guys all mean so much to me even though some of you just want me out of your life. Like @TADS said "Apologizing doesn't mean that you're wrong and the other person is right. It just means you value your relationship more than your ego." (Tads it was so good not to put on a apology letter.. hope you don't mind. If you do then I'll remove it. :p) These are the ones that popped in my minds I do not know. There are a bunch of things flying through my head but I could not write it down because I was spending time making each and every one meaningful. Mine verse has been a place where I could always be free from the real world and be just in a wonderful fantasy. But I guess that it had people behind the screens and I always knew that but it meant such a deep and harmful meaning for the past year. I just don't know how I can ever forgive so many people for all the harm I probably caused to them. Sorry to all the people that I listed and more but these are the ones that matter the most to me. I am so ashamed I cannot even type anymore. Pity me By the way. There are some of you out there that just annoy me and made me decide I do not and some of you I am not friends with you guys. I wish to not talk or see you again because all you did was hurt me and made me into a harmful force. I am getting back to peace for I feel like I have met the right people to become my friends. I am sorry and hope that you guys understand what I am trying to say. I just do not want to get any more hate from a specific number of you and one of you I hope you can back off because I do not want to be "chill" with you. You know who you guys are. @SgtIcehawk @Empster @Hexxel20 @dietrunks @Robisgreat10 Sorry guys you just made my life into a less enjoyable moment at Mineverse and I hope you guys can forget about me.
I know just deep inside I feel like I was just crazy or it was some dream because I know I am normally not like that. I feel like someone possessed me.
